Artistic Grief

Sometimes we are just too hard on ourselves. Did you know that? I have a problem with never quite measuring up to that fictional image of perfection - you know, the one that someone painted for you as a kid or even as an adult, I suppose. I find myself being particularly critical of my artistic abilities. I have tried to let go of this many times over the years only to have that evil image raise it's head when I least need to be reminded that I am, indeed, not perfect. But then again, many times it has told me that I suck when I actually don't...

So, tonight I was combing through image files from the last six years looking for a few pictures that might be worthy of a photo competition I am interested in entering. As I was looking and scanning, opening and closing, and clucking and sighing, I happened to open some files from a concert I attended in 2008. There amid the normal concert stuff - rock stars grinning and posing, drummers drumming wildly and women swooning - there was this one image. I don't remember seeing it when I went through my photos at the time and yet it is a really good image that conveys the moment it was taken perfectly. The singer leaning way back with his hand to his head, pure emotion in his voice and body, a red spotlight shining right through him. I didn't print this one and it is not to be found in any album. I never shared it with anyone. It has just been languishing on my hard-drive for almost 3 years, unlooked at and unappreciated. I remember thinking when I originally reviewed these images that I had really not done a very good job ("as usual" said that little voice in the back of my head). I just filed the images away in case I could use them at some future date. It is something that we all do - file it and forget it, right? Not good enough. Not bright enough. Not talented enough. Not pretty enough. I guess we see what we expect to see. I was looking for perfection in my work. I didn't find it so the images were not good enough. So is this image perfect? Nope. Is it a really good image? Yep. I really need to cut myself some slack! What about you?

Happy New Year.